Test Driving Theology

Almost all of us have experienced a life changing event in our lives.  It could be something full of joy…or it could be something tragic.  But all of us at some point, have, or will experience something that suddenly, unexpectedly, causes everything to change.

I’ve read interviews with people who worked at the World Trade Center on nine-eleven, but for whatever reason, were not at work that morning.  They talked about how their lives, their perspectives, their world-views, were so dramatically changed that day.  

My own Dad was a United States Marine, and then a hard-charging business executive at 3M his whole career.  In the early 1990’s he had a medical crisis…a severe lung infection.  It was a pretty big deal.  After he recovered, I remember him telling me how that changed his perspective on life…on family…on health.  He said it softened him…it made him more compassionate.  I remember that change within him. 

For many of us, our life changing events are far less dramatic.  They could be the birth of a first child…or maybe attending an inspiring conference or seminar.  Maybe it’s a significant book…or a trip…that causes your perspective to shift…or even to flip.

Whatever the cause, we’ve all experienced these moments.

The apostle Paul’s trip to Damascus was a life changing event for him.  At the time he began his trip, he was still known as Saul.  

The early Christian church had no greater enemy than Saul.  He was a one-man wrecking crew.  The Gospel writer Luke described Saul as someone who “breathed threats and murder.”  That is strong language.  Breathing in threats; breathing out murder.  Saul’s whole being was possessed by hatred towards those early followers of Jesus.  

And now, in his zeal, Saul wants to take his religious cleansing on the road.  He is headed to Damascus.  

As he approaches the city, his mission to destroy the early church was suddenly disrupted.  In a heartbeat, there was a blinding light and a thundering voice from heaven.  Saul is literally knocked off his feet.  The voice…the voice of Jesus says: “Saul!  Saul!  Why are you persecuting me?”  And then suddenly, Saul is rendered blind.  He can see nothing.  Nothing at all.  He’s crawling around on his hands and knees…totally lost…totally disoriented.  

Somehow…someway…Saul manages to make it into the city.  There he stays for three days, crawling around…lost…with no food; with no water.  

Saul is scared.  He is alone.  He is dependent.  And his fury towards the followers of Jesus is suddenly exchanged for terror.

Let’s pause that story for just a moment, because there’s another story, the one from our Gospel reading…the Gospel of John.  Let’s jump there for a second.  

In this story, Peter, and several other disciples go fishing on the Sea of Galilee.   They fish all night long with absolutely no luck.  In the morning, there is a man standing on the shore who shouts a suggestion to the disciples.  He says, “Try casting your net on the other side of the boat.”  “What?!?  What difference would that make?”  But they try it.  And suddenly their nets fill…to overflowing, and they pull in a monstrous catch.  The disciples look again, and they realize now that this man on the shore is the resurrected Jesus.

They immediately start paddling their boat to shore.  By the time they step onto dry land, Jesus has breakfast ready for them.  After breakfast, Jesus looks over at the disciple Peter, and he asks him a question: “Peter, do you love me?”  “Yes, of course, Rabbi.”  And then Jesus repeats the question…”do you love me?”  “Yes!”  and then again, a third time.  “Do you love me?”  Three times Jesus asks him this question, and 3 times Peter says “yes.”  And then Peter remembers that after Jesus was arrested, Peter was questioned about his relationship with Jesus, and that Peter denied knowing him…not once, not twice, but three times. 

When Jesus was at his most vulnerable and lonely, Peter had denied even knowing him.  

“Peter, do you love me?”  The question, asked on the shore of this lake, was devastating to Peter.  He was filled with guilt and shame because of his denial.

So, there’s Saul, and there’s Peter.  Two men, each of whom had broken trust with Jesus in some way.  And yet Jesus came to both.  Jesus asks each man a question.  He asks Saul: “Why do you persecute me?”  And to Peter he asks, “Do you really love me?” And his questions are like a doctor, probing a wound.  Jesus intends to probe precisely where they are each the most broken.  For Paul, it’s his raging hatred…the hatred that consumes him.  For Peter, it’s his guilt over deserting Jesus the night of his arrest.

But this is not the end of these stories.  For both Saul, and for Peter, there is a second chapter.

You see, Jesus comes to both broken men with the power of the resurrection; the power to make all things new.  If Peter and Saul  were bound by their brokenness and guilt, they couldn’t become who  Jesus knew they could be.  First, Jesus had to set them free.  So, when Jesus intervened…when he asked his questions…it was a holy disruption.  

After the three days that Saul sat in his blindness, Jesus speaks to Ananias, a disciple in Damascus.  Ananias knew of Saul…he knew his reputation…and Ananias wanted nothing to do with Saul.  But Ananias was faithful.  He does what Jesus asks.

He goes to Saul, and he lays his hands upon him, then Ananias says “Brother Saul, I’m here that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.”

In a moment of fantastic irony, Jesus’ healing grace comes through the very hands of one that Saul hated.  And Ananias calls Saul a brother.  And Saul is healed…restored.  And Jesus gives him a new name…a new identity. He will be Paul.

And Peter…when Jesus repeated the question “Do you love me” three times, it was more than a simple reminder of Peter’s denying Jesus. 

I think Jesus repeated this question to reassure him.  When Jesus asks, “Do you love me?” three times, it’s because he wants Peter to repeat the answer three times.  “Yes…I love you Jesus.”  Jesus already had to know that Peter loved him.  But he wanted to make sure that Peter knew.  He wanted Peter to hear himselfsay it three times.  He wanted to restore Peter’s confidence after Peter had failed.  

Peter and Paul:  Jesus touches them both with resurrection grace.  He frees Paul from his hatred. He frees Peter from his aching remorse.  He frees them both from their guilt.

A few years ago, I read about a new novelty gift appearing on the shelves of retail stores.  They were a package of “Disposable Guilt Bags.” If you’d bought one, inside you’d find a set of ten ordinary brown paper lunch bags.  Printed on each bag was the following instructions: “Place the bag securely over your mouth, take a deep breath and blow all your guilt out, then dispose of the bag immediately.” 

The price of these disposable guilt bags?  $2.50 for ten.  The amazing thing?  The Associated Press reported that in the first two weeks, thousands of these guilt bag kits had been sold.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could simply dispose of our own brokenness and guilt so easily? Unfortunately, there is nothing on this earth powerful enough in to do that. We cannot just fix ourselves.

No.  As people who follow Jesus, we know differently.  We cannot, on our own, resolve, or fix, or heal our own brokenness; and we cannot remove our guilt over the mistakes we’ve made and the things we’ve done wrong.  We can deny it. We can ignore it. But we cannot heal it.  Not by ourselves.

And each of us experiences brokenness.  It is simply a part of our human condition.  Sin has fractured our world, and we are all subject to it.  We all carry its scars, and it’s etched into every one of our psyches.  We’re all broken.  Like Peter, we all suffer from regret.  Like Paul, anger is within us.

Sin has left us broken people.  But here is the good news. (And I do mean good news.)  Just like with Peter and Paul, the resurrected Christ comes to you.  Jesus touches you with the healing power of resurrection life, and he makes you new.

Your story of being forgiven…being made whole may or may not have the drama of Paul’s story, or the depth of Peter’s.  But whatever it is for you…it will be a holy disruption.  This holy disruption brings you freedom.  It will dispel the pain and power of whatever shape your brokenness has taken.  For we cannot become the person Christ envisions for us…we cannot emerge into our fullness…as long as we are bound by brokenness, sin and guilt.

Christ has risen.  Christ has risen indeed!  His Easter grace comes to you and to me.  Jesus disrupts our brokenness and our guilt, and he fills us with light and healing.  And he is opening the future he has shaped for us.  Jesus is making all things new.  Watch and see!

Thanks be to God!

Amen.